In last 2 weeks I found myself talking to God more... asking more questions and wanting more clarity in many aspects of my life... It all started 2 weeks ago, when one Sunday evening my childhood friend called me in the evening and said, he is with his mum in the emergency ward and she is going to be admitted again in the hospital...
I rushed to the hospital and i spent more then 2 hours that day talking to his mum whom i refer to as aunty... we talked about so many things from life, God, my exercise program to why i am still not married! You see, being born in an Indian home and still not married at this age is a taboo! Many usually have many reasons to why I am not married but she was the first person who looked into my eyes and asked me if i really want to be married... i couldn't give her an answer... seeing me not having an answer, she continued to talk... she said, you need to figure that out first...
I went home that day feeling a little different... still unable to figure out what was going on inside me but one thing for sure... i felt a deep sense of connection with her... before i could lay my head on my pillow that night, my friend called me again and said mum wants some particular biscuits and he is unable to find them and asked if i can help... without hesitation i said sure i will. The next day i found myself one more time next to her bed talking to her again... and this time she talked about her 3 children and her role as a mother... I have never had such conversations with anyone else...
Without me even realizing it... i started spending time with aunty and she became an important part of my daily activities. Organizing blood for her, visiting her, talking stories with her and doing little little things for her...
Last Monday 12th July, I went to see her again like usual during the break i get in between my meetings... the only difference this time was, she was weaker, couldn't talk, couldn't ask anything... i spent like 2 hours with her and at that time, many thoughts came into my mind... I kept asking God, why you brought her to my life at this time and now to see her this way it hurts so much... her son was with her this time and each time he left me alone with her i got scared... and i don't know why... when finally the time came for me to leave, it felt so heavy to go... again i didn't understand why... from the the time i left her room to my car, twice i wanted to come back to the room but again i told myself i can see her tomorrow and i should let her rest...
On Tuesday 13th July, I woke up in the morning at 9am with aunty and her son that is close to me in my mind... i sat on my bed without moving for 30 minutes and I wasn't sure what i was doing... it is very unlike me to spend 30 minutes on bed in the morning without doing anything. My body felt very weak but slowly i collected strength to pack my bag and head to the gym as i have my training at 10.30am. Just before i parked my car in the gym, I called auntie's niece that usually spends the night with her and i said hello and she said... mum didn't wake up in the morning... my tears rolled down my cheeks, my hands shivered and i couldn't hear anything around me anymore... I turned my car and i reached her home...
The next 30 hours i forgot who i was... all that was in my mind was to be a strength to her 2 sons that I hold very dear to my heart... my body knew nothing, no pain, no hunger, no sleep but every moment, my eyes and my heart only wanted to look out for them...
Finally, when everything was over, I went home... laid my head again on my pillow... I found the answer to the question she asked me on day one she was admitted in the hospital... yes aunty... I want to get married... i want to love someone more then i can love myself, i want to care for someone more then i care for myself, i want to bring children into this world and yes, i want to spend my time with them and molding them into beautiful people and most importantly now i see myself building a home and the pillar of that home is not the concrete pillars but my values...
Interestingly, I have know aunty since I was a little girl... 9 years old. She thought me in school... i feared her at that time, after many years, her son brought me back to her home but i didn't really get to know her and today she left the world and left me a gift that i will cherish for the rest of my life and it will be the foundation of my tomorrow...
Aunty... thank you for allowing me to know you... thank you for opening the doors to my heart which was locked for so long and you will continue to live in the tomorrow that i will build...
Live Your Best Life
