A cup of black coffee without sugar... that's what it takes to calm me down... yes, I get worked up very fast... but the good part is, I get over it fast too! And the best part of all is, I don't revisit the past unnecessarily.
Last 45 days has been crazy, real crazy... I can't find words to express... you see, I am neither a writer nor an english expert... but just love to let out what's inside me either by talking, spending or lately working out and when everything fails... I write and that's how I got here.
My emotions went up and down the emotion meter like a million times a day and people say, your craziest moments reveals your best lessons! Guess that is true... 45 days felt like 4 years! I flipped million times too and bought like 25 books... no, I have not completed any one of them!
But... I am so proud of myself! I didn't just survive but I excelled. I made more money, I lost more weight, my team got stronger, I can run longer, I have accomplished more goals, I delivered my best training, I loved more, watched more movies, visited the spa more... oh my, how did I do all these!!
Is this what growing up is? Is this how it suppose to be? I really don't know but I like it! It is just really exciting to discover how much I can do, how much I can flip, how much I can push myself and how at the end of every curve of the road, all looks so beautiful... and what really stays in my heart is the dance that I do at the end of every curve... and its simply beautiful!
Be All You Could Be
Thursday, October 30, 2014
Monday, August 5, 2013
A True Warrior
Saturdays are my busiest day! It starts very early in the morning spending time with my leadership, reviewing their performance, their lessons, goal setting, setting new bench mark and than going on endless conference calls with my global leaders, talking to them on their progress and performance... By evening I like to wind down and spend some moment with myself... My personal review :) I decided long ago, I must be my toughest coach... :) This particular Saturday, I sat at Starbucks, with my hot mint tea... It was packed with people catching up or just chilling on Saturday evening or just chatting away...
When I am into my own world, I can block out any noise which surrounds me and totally stay focused on my work and that's my 'special skill'! This particular evening, I was awaken from my world by a young mother and her kid. She asked if they could share the table with me as the whole place was packed and I said sure! I don't know why the little girl was excited to sit at my table... She probably at most 2 1/2 years old... Maybe it's my curly hair :) or just my friendly smile :)) kids tend to get friendly with me! The little girl was trying to have conversation with me but sadly I couldn't understand her words as she spoke in a language I am not familiar with... But some how we were having good time. What puzzled me was, her mother was just the opposite of the Kid. Refused to smile, refused to even say anything or even answer any of my questions... She sat opposite of me, facing outside so she doesn't have too look at me... This continued for an hour till the kids grandmother walked in and she smiled and pulled a chair and sat... Now I have a grandmother, mother and daughter at my table... Total strangers :)
Not even 5 mins at the table, the grandmother took her business card and placed in front of me! She said she does business and that's her card... I took the card looked at it... While I was looking at it, she
continued talking, she said, " My granddaughter was very weak, so I bought her this milk powder and she likes it and now she is much stronger and I decided to share and run my own business"! I was speechless, this grandmother is 70 years old, speaks broken Malaysian language yet found courage to talk to a stranger in less that 5 mins and promote her business. She continued to say that she has been doing this for 3 months, she can make some pocket money and if tomorrow she is no longer around, her granddaughter will benefit from her efforts today...
continued talking, she said, " My granddaughter was very weak, so I bought her this milk powder and she likes it and now she is much stronger and I decided to share and run my own business"! I was speechless, this grandmother is 70 years old, speaks broken Malaysian language yet found courage to talk to a stranger in less that 5 mins and promote her business. She continued to say that she has been doing this for 3 months, she can make some pocket money and if tomorrow she is no longer around, her granddaughter will benefit from her efforts today...
Than she asked if she could write on the paper in front of me, I gave it to her. She drew for me how I can benefit and make money too and she continued by saying, it's not worth to sit at office for a pay cheque as no matter how much we take home, it's not enough today and the world is stressful. She also told me how she put some hard earned savings into some investment plans in the bank and after 10 years she got nothing much and instead of keeping in the bank she could have done something with it. What really caught me was, she said... If I can do this for another 1 1/2 years, I can buy my
own car, she continued by saying, I don't want a big car but just a Malaysian made car will do and I will pay cash for it!
own car, she continued by saying, I don't want a big car but just a Malaysian made car will do and I will pay cash for it!
Woww!! Let me remind you, this is a 70 years old woman and she is inspired to be all she could be!! On the other hand, her daughter-in-law sat there the whole hour looking at the outside world pass by... Sadly there are more people today like the daughter-in-law rather than the grandmother!
Than I looked at the little kid and I said to myself, you are blessed... You have a grandmother who is a warrior! Grow up and be like her... Fight to be the best till the last day and only live to Be All You Could Be...
My moment with a great warrior.... May you live to blow 100 candles!
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Reality?
When Fantasia Barrino took the stage at American Idol final show and sang, "I Believe" every cell, every fiber in my body sang with her. When she was crowned the American Idol winner for season 3 that night, and she took the stage one more time for "I Believe", I cried with her.
The same emotions I had for Jacklyn Victor, the Malaysia's first Idol winner and her song, "Gemilang", I cried with her... Till today, those moments are so fresh in my thoughts, my mind, my heart. Each moment i hear those songs, my heart goes back to that night, that moment... that moment in time!
Not just Fantasia or Jacklyn, I have many more on my list, from reality show winners to various success stories and each time I listen to their stories, I am moved so deeply... The latest on my list is the Desert Flower, the true story of Waris Dirie. She escaped Somalia at the age of 13 and spent her adolescence as a maid in Somalia's Embassy in London. A regime change forces her onto the streets of London where she is soon discovered by a famous fashion photographer. This scared, homeless runaway young girl evolves into a glamorous runway superstar. While her beauty and courage open doors to an exciting career, her life is even more transformed by her tenacity to fight against the poverty and cultural traditions that had forced her to run away from her home and family. Her work resulted in her being named United Nations special ambassador for women's rights in Africa in 1997. How could anyone not moved by this story? How could anyone not cry or how could anyone not triggered to use their lives little bit more?
Each time I hear these stories and I watch the courage in them... the tears in my eyes, the rhythm in my heart and the energy in my soul takes over my life... Many times I have asked myself, should I allow these emotions, surge of energy take over my life or should I go back to reality? Than again, is there even anything called reality? If Waris Dirie gave in into reality, where would Desert Flower be today? Guess reality is only the limitation we set to our imagination...
I want these emotions, these surge or energy, the music in my heart... let it be something permanent in me... I want to keep them, I want keep running, run so fast and see what the end of the tunnel gonna look like... what my story gonna look like....
Live Your Best Life
The same emotions I had for Jacklyn Victor, the Malaysia's first Idol winner and her song, "Gemilang", I cried with her... Till today, those moments are so fresh in my thoughts, my mind, my heart. Each moment i hear those songs, my heart goes back to that night, that moment... that moment in time!
Not just Fantasia or Jacklyn, I have many more on my list, from reality show winners to various success stories and each time I listen to their stories, I am moved so deeply... The latest on my list is the Desert Flower, the true story of Waris Dirie. She escaped Somalia at the age of 13 and spent her adolescence as a maid in Somalia's Embassy in London. A regime change forces her onto the streets of London where she is soon discovered by a famous fashion photographer. This scared, homeless runaway young girl evolves into a glamorous runway superstar. While her beauty and courage open doors to an exciting career, her life is even more transformed by her tenacity to fight against the poverty and cultural traditions that had forced her to run away from her home and family. Her work resulted in her being named United Nations special ambassador for women's rights in Africa in 1997. How could anyone not moved by this story? How could anyone not cry or how could anyone not triggered to use their lives little bit more?
Each time I hear these stories and I watch the courage in them... the tears in my eyes, the rhythm in my heart and the energy in my soul takes over my life... Many times I have asked myself, should I allow these emotions, surge of energy take over my life or should I go back to reality? Than again, is there even anything called reality? If Waris Dirie gave in into reality, where would Desert Flower be today? Guess reality is only the limitation we set to our imagination...
I want these emotions, these surge or energy, the music in my heart... let it be something permanent in me... I want to keep them, I want keep running, run so fast and see what the end of the tunnel gonna look like... what my story gonna look like....
Live Your Best Life
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Conversation With My Father
Conversation With My Father
Recently I took my dad out for lunch, unlike the usual lunch that I have with him, this particular one has been fresh in my mind since than... and I can't help it but to keep thinking of the conversation I had with him...
My dad and I always have interesting conversations... politics, history, literature, global issues are normal topics with my dad and especially over dinner table! It is so normal for dad and I to discuss over dinner how to get an opinion about some global issue to President Obama :) And usually our conversations will end up with fights as both dad and I are strong opinion minded and we will not compromise on our views on issues...
While we were having that 'particular lunch', we were discussing today's Euro Crisis and China's economy situation and how if we are not ahead of time, these two gonna mess up all our lives real soon... and suddenly dad said something that I never would have anticipated coming from him... he said. " the biggest mistake my generation made was to sell all our lands and houses to educate our children...", I was stunned, he continued, "education is not a bad thing, but just because you have a paper qualification that doesn't mean you have to trade your life to an office... ". For the first time, I was so speechless in front of my dad and I saw the sadness in his eyes...
You see my dad, who is the eldest boy among his 11 siblings never had a formal education. He had to take care of cows and goats at a very young age to help his parents feed everyone at home. He always said, at an age I am suppose to take a pencil and book and run to school, I took a grass cutter and went to the fields to cut grass to feed my siblings... My dad use to stand outside a school while cutting grass and learned to write and read...
I remember well, while growing up, my dad's only mission was to make sure every child gets education. He has been a great believer in education. He always spoke about how education will set us free... Later part of his life, my dad actually sat for external exams and became a teacher in his estate so that he can directly impact children's education in estates.
Many nights as a kid, I watched my dad sharpening pencils, collecting books, school uniforms, shoes for children whose parents couldn't do that for them... I have also seem him many days bring extra food to school so that the kids don't go hungry and they could focus on reading....
He always told me, the greatest wealth I can give you is your education. I want you to be strong, doesn't matter you are a girl, you must be brave to speak up anytime you want, language or lack of education should never be a hindrance in your life...
After a long pause... I looked at my dad and I told him, "for all that you have done for me, my sister, my brother, my cousins and the countless children that you helped educate.... God sent me angles in my life to help me realize I was too powerful, beyond measures to trade my education to paper qualifications and that papers to a wall and a ceiling in an office... " , "When i graduated, I didn't know what was ahead, what I was suppose to do or what I wasn't suppose to do but as you thought me well, I was never afraid to learn and my education never stopped at my University... In fact dad, it just began when i started working..."
My dad didn't say anything but the sadness in his eyes was slowly replaced with a sense of pride and hope... While we continued eating I secretly said a prayer.....
Dear Lord,
I thank you for my dad... all that he thought me in my life...
I know my dad has always wanted me to make a difference and that's how I want to spend the rest of my life... I want to be able to help every younger generation that comes out of school with so much of hope what tomorrow has to offer, I want to help to educate them, not to fit in but to stand out and excel in life... yes, stand out and be a Star!
Lord, I also want to go down to the grass root and help children with the right education... I don't know when, where and how but I just want to help kids understand the right education... help me Lord, guide me... in You, I surrender... Thank you.
Live Your Best Life
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
It's a call for growth!
Wow I did it again... many months passed without writing! Maybe the Twitter and Facebook to be blamed as I get to write my thoughts from time to time... but one thing for sure, it has been a ride of life time!
My heart got broken... not only by a boy but many different things... My organization took to another phase, opened new markets, lost weight, gained weight, lost again... tripped and fell, stood up high, took a leap, conquered another phase and reached another height... phew!! Everything in last 6 months... my 6 months looks like 6 years... good or bad... I don't know... at least I constantly looking younger :))
Recently I was talking to a group of people and suddenly I said, challenges only stops when you are 6 feet under the ground. I said it jokingly... as an answer to their question but later when I thought about it, it is so true... do challenges actually stop? No they don't! The only thing that will change is the way we look at them.
For me when something happens, it means time to change, time to move forward, time to change direction, time to change strategy, time to take another leap, time to conquer greater heights and most importantly... it's a call for growth!
One thing that helps me to move forward is to go back to the drawing board and look again at my goals, my vision of tomorrow and what the end result I want. I always live in 2 worlds, the world of tomorrow, what I what and the world of today, what I have to do. When I don't know what I have to do today, I look at my tomorrow's world and then I come back to today... I will know what to to today... somehow, somewhere, I will just know where to begin!
I have accepted, I am work in progress. Guess, i will always be work in progress and I'm grateful today that constantly when I forget that I am work in progress... I always get that call for growth!
Live Your Dreams
My heart got broken... not only by a boy but many different things... My organization took to another phase, opened new markets, lost weight, gained weight, lost again... tripped and fell, stood up high, took a leap, conquered another phase and reached another height... phew!! Everything in last 6 months... my 6 months looks like 6 years... good or bad... I don't know... at least I constantly looking younger :))
Recently I was talking to a group of people and suddenly I said, challenges only stops when you are 6 feet under the ground. I said it jokingly... as an answer to their question but later when I thought about it, it is so true... do challenges actually stop? No they don't! The only thing that will change is the way we look at them.
For me when something happens, it means time to change, time to move forward, time to change direction, time to change strategy, time to take another leap, time to conquer greater heights and most importantly... it's a call for growth!
One thing that helps me to move forward is to go back to the drawing board and look again at my goals, my vision of tomorrow and what the end result I want. I always live in 2 worlds, the world of tomorrow, what I what and the world of today, what I have to do. When I don't know what I have to do today, I look at my tomorrow's world and then I come back to today... I will know what to to today... somehow, somewhere, I will just know where to begin!
I have accepted, I am work in progress. Guess, i will always be work in progress and I'm grateful today that constantly when I forget that I am work in progress... I always get that call for growth!
Live Your Dreams
Friday, April 15, 2011
My own limitations!
Yesterday I received a call from a very dear friend... that call triggered a flood of emotions in me that I never even knew I had!
Just a simple truthful chat with someone that I respect, admire and hold very dear to my heart... left me with no choice than to touch the very inner core of my emotions....
For a moment I asked myself, is this necessary, do I have to breakdown now! I have been holding on pretty well but why suddenly the feeling of loosing control...
Than quickly I told myself, this is Divine design for me to be at this junction but what I do with this sudden outburst of emotions is my choice...
I sat down after that chat, collected myself and allowed my thoughts to wonder a little... it brought me back to our chat and i thought about what this special friend said, "if you have inside you every strength to make your visions a reality, the limitation that is holding you back is also inside you..." and with a loving voice, this friend continued... "you can do so many things others are unable to achieve, but what is it that you are struggling on? Get help on that specific area...".
I collected myself, got dressed, I looked at myself on the mirror... I look so good... I had to speak to a group of 50 people that night... I drove to the venue... before I got out of my car, I told myself, these 50 people who are waiting to listen to me tonight, deserve my best! I will have so much fun tonight that they will only get the best out of me... I had good fun! It was a beautiful night.... they benefited!
After that, I sat with 2 of my key leaders in Malaysia and I was having a chat on our plans for the next 5 weeks in Malaysia and I couldn't help but my thoughts went back to my chat in the morning with my dear friend... than it suddenly hit me, my key leader in Malaysia that I have been trying to work with for last couple years is everything that I am not good at... I have been trying for so long to find a way to really come together because I know this leader of mine has almost equal or more strength than me but we always see things from very different angle and tonight I understood this is the answer to my prayer!
I have someone in my team who is so powerful, who does everything I can't do and here I have been sitting so long wondering what to do with this person and tonight everything came together... as for the first time this leader also saw me as a compliment! Yes, we complete each other in the circle of leadership, system building, relationship strengths and coming together could just give us the strength of a 1000!!
I have always been looking everywhere else to complete me and didn't realize the answer was within my organization! So, guess the whole emotion trigger yesterday morning was to arrive at this point! I more than ever now, trust Divine design and I too understood yesterday that my delays are only because of my own limitations...
Yes, my delays are caused by my own limitations!
Live Your Best Life
Just a simple truthful chat with someone that I respect, admire and hold very dear to my heart... left me with no choice than to touch the very inner core of my emotions....
For a moment I asked myself, is this necessary, do I have to breakdown now! I have been holding on pretty well but why suddenly the feeling of loosing control...
Than quickly I told myself, this is Divine design for me to be at this junction but what I do with this sudden outburst of emotions is my choice...
I sat down after that chat, collected myself and allowed my thoughts to wonder a little... it brought me back to our chat and i thought about what this special friend said, "if you have inside you every strength to make your visions a reality, the limitation that is holding you back is also inside you..." and with a loving voice, this friend continued... "you can do so many things others are unable to achieve, but what is it that you are struggling on? Get help on that specific area...".
I collected myself, got dressed, I looked at myself on the mirror... I look so good... I had to speak to a group of 50 people that night... I drove to the venue... before I got out of my car, I told myself, these 50 people who are waiting to listen to me tonight, deserve my best! I will have so much fun tonight that they will only get the best out of me... I had good fun! It was a beautiful night.... they benefited!
After that, I sat with 2 of my key leaders in Malaysia and I was having a chat on our plans for the next 5 weeks in Malaysia and I couldn't help but my thoughts went back to my chat in the morning with my dear friend... than it suddenly hit me, my key leader in Malaysia that I have been trying to work with for last couple years is everything that I am not good at... I have been trying for so long to find a way to really come together because I know this leader of mine has almost equal or more strength than me but we always see things from very different angle and tonight I understood this is the answer to my prayer!
I have someone in my team who is so powerful, who does everything I can't do and here I have been sitting so long wondering what to do with this person and tonight everything came together... as for the first time this leader also saw me as a compliment! Yes, we complete each other in the circle of leadership, system building, relationship strengths and coming together could just give us the strength of a 1000!!
I have always been looking everywhere else to complete me and didn't realize the answer was within my organization! So, guess the whole emotion trigger yesterday morning was to arrive at this point! I more than ever now, trust Divine design and I too understood yesterday that my delays are only because of my own limitations...
Yes, my delays are caused by my own limitations!
Live Your Best Life
Sunday, March 13, 2011
I quit...
Laying on my bed in my bedroom that is done exactly the way I wanted it as a little girl on a Sunday afternoon... it just feels perfect to put some thoughts to words...
I have a wall in my room dedicated to faces that are huge part of who I am today, filled with things that are already a part of me right now and pictures which will be a part of me soon... I can't help it but to allow my mind and heart to wonder...
As a little girl I was called hyperactive, while I was growing up I was the troublemaker, as a teenager I was disobedient, when I left home to University I was the black sheep of the family.... I was constantly getting into trouble, I was the misfit, mismatched... what ever you call it! At work, I was the one that constantly looking for something else, getting into trouble... I will oversleep most of the mornings as I could never fall asleep at night... my brains were working so hard when everyone was sleeping! The song Manic Monday by Bangles was sang especially for me and that was my story every morning!
I just couldn't fit in... Finally, I was called the crazy one, the unrealistic one, and my family warned the younger ones to stay away from me...
To look back those years, those days... they were the exact reason that saw the birth of my organization NorthStar, that craziness and unrealistic me is who created NorthStar Africa and contributed to 1000s of people living a different life today... that is the same girl that flew to East Malaysia and made 1000s of people listen and follow her and even to the remote areas of long houses... I made a difference... that is the same crazy girl who packed her bag and roamed India for 4 months and came back and till today i still treasure that trip as my best spiritual journey i ever done! I did Eat Pray and Love even way before the book was written...
Last couple of years, somehow I got entangled with the world around me and became very careful, I wanted to fit in, I became realistic and lost my craziness crown and guess what... my results were just so ordinary and plain... Lately, I kept asking myself what changed...
Finally I call it a quit! Yes, I quit... I quit becoming ordinary, I quit fitting in, I quit being realistic, I quit being normal! Once again, I reclaim my craziness crown and I am back on the crazy adventure as that is the only way to live my best life!
Live Your Best Life
I have a wall in my room dedicated to faces that are huge part of who I am today, filled with things that are already a part of me right now and pictures which will be a part of me soon... I can't help it but to allow my mind and heart to wonder...
As a little girl I was called hyperactive, while I was growing up I was the troublemaker, as a teenager I was disobedient, when I left home to University I was the black sheep of the family.... I was constantly getting into trouble, I was the misfit, mismatched... what ever you call it! At work, I was the one that constantly looking for something else, getting into trouble... I will oversleep most of the mornings as I could never fall asleep at night... my brains were working so hard when everyone was sleeping! The song Manic Monday by Bangles was sang especially for me and that was my story every morning!
I just couldn't fit in... Finally, I was called the crazy one, the unrealistic one, and my family warned the younger ones to stay away from me...
To look back those years, those days... they were the exact reason that saw the birth of my organization NorthStar, that craziness and unrealistic me is who created NorthStar Africa and contributed to 1000s of people living a different life today... that is the same girl that flew to East Malaysia and made 1000s of people listen and follow her and even to the remote areas of long houses... I made a difference... that is the same crazy girl who packed her bag and roamed India for 4 months and came back and till today i still treasure that trip as my best spiritual journey i ever done! I did Eat Pray and Love even way before the book was written...
Last couple of years, somehow I got entangled with the world around me and became very careful, I wanted to fit in, I became realistic and lost my craziness crown and guess what... my results were just so ordinary and plain... Lately, I kept asking myself what changed...
Finally I call it a quit! Yes, I quit... I quit becoming ordinary, I quit fitting in, I quit being realistic, I quit being normal! Once again, I reclaim my craziness crown and I am back on the crazy adventure as that is the only way to live my best life!
Live Your Best Life
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